Hella Hold'em

Last night's game at the Forest was yet another good poker time. Thanks to Ray and Val for hosting! Let's get right to the poker goodness.

The game was no limit Hold'em. $25 buy in, T1500 in chips to start, 15 minute blinds. We started off at two tables:

Table 1 (upstairs)

1. Ed
2. Chris
3. Randy J
4. Kathie (of the JackHammer games)
5. Shelly
6. Val
7. Big Paddy

Table 2 (downstairs)

1. Dana
2. Dusty
3. Ray
4. Jen
5. Mandy
6. Armando (of the JackHammer games)
7. Randy (husband of Mandy)

Level 1 (5/10): It's the third hand into the game, and Ed suffers his first river beat to yours truly. My Ace high beats Ed's pocket 3's when the board comes K7J7J - two pairs, Jacks and Sevens, Ace kicker plays. Ed would suffer several more river beats throughout the course of the night, but also snagged some sweet suckouts. Notes to follow.

Level 3 (20/40): We have our first all-in, courtesy of Ed. The board looks like Jh-Th-Ad-8h. Val calls Ed's all-in with her pair of aces, but the river came a glorious Qh to give Ed the nut flush with his A5 of hearts. Had that heart not come, Val's 7 kicker would have won the pot, but Ed managed to pull the heart for the win. Val is now seriously short-stacked.

Level 4 (25/50): Some advice to Ray downstairs, based on his repeatedly tragic results with a particular hand:

Lay down the bitch and the bullet, Ray!

Level 4 (25/50): Kathie pulls out four tits - said by some to be worth the price of admission right there. (Pocket Queens, you fools - though Kat is a hottie). We've got a mad raising war going on between Kathie and Chris. Every street sees more chips flung into the pot. Board is looking like Js - Kd - 10c - 9s. We've got straight possibilities. We've got a flush draw. It's all nuts. After the turn, Chris gets himself all in for his last T370. Kathie calls immediately, and shows her tits. The pocket queens explain her end of the raising war throughout the hand. Chris shows his.... QJ. Both players hold the straight, and Kathie splits the pot despite holding the dominant hand pre-flop. (Kathie was an 88% favorite before the flop).

Level 4 (25/50): Our first casualty. Val's pocket 2's refuse to hold up, and Ed takes her out. (I did not note what his hand was, but something tells me he at least had overcards).

Level 5 (30/60): Ace Queen makes its first appearance in my pocket - one of many successful showings for me. Ray should've been playing upstairs where all the bitch-and-a-bullet karma was. I flop an Ace and put Chris all in. He called, but could not beat my AQ, and was out second.

Since we've lost two people at table 1, table 2 high-carded for the player to move up to our table. The lucky chick was Mandy.

Next thing you know, Ray and Dana get knocked out downstairs, and we're high-carding at table 1 to move somebody down there. Bye bye, baby! Randy ends up moving downstairs.

Level 6 (75/150): I fold my only hammer of the night. Wuss that I am.

Level 6 (75/150): Armando gets knocked out downstairs, and we've got our final table of 9. Everybody moves upstairs to table 1.

Final Table

1. Pat
2. Ed
3. Randy J
4. Randy (husband of Mandy)
5. Kathie
6. Shelly
7. Jen
8. Dusty
9. Mandy

Level 7 (100/200): Hoooo-wah, one of my first big starting hands of the night. The Hilton Sisters paid me a visit. I raise to 3xBB with my QQ from early position. It folds around to Kathie, who has exactly T600 in front of her and calls all-in with A2 suited. She spikes and ace, and leaves my chip stack hurting. Nice double-up, Kat! Shellmuth made a brief appearance, whence I tilted for one hand before settling back in with the intention of annihilating my competition. (That's not tilt...)

Level 8 (150/300): I'm in the big blind with K9 of clubs. I started the hand with about T1300 in chips, so I've got barely 3xBB left in front of me after posting the blind. The blinds are going up next hand. I contemplated pushing all in right there, as Jen and the small blind were the only people in the pot, but I opted to check and see a flop. The flop comes A-9-x, and I go all in for my remaining T1000. Jen had been slowplaying her pocket Queens, and called my all-in. With one club onboard, I needed runner-runner clubs, a nine, or an Ace. The river brought me the glorious 9, and I lived to see another day.

Level 9 (200/400): The very next hand, Jen's all over the action once again. She puts a hurting on Mandy when her pocket Queens hit trips on the flop. (Yes, that's QQ, twice in a row - from two different decks of cards). The Ladies just wanted to be played! And played, they were. This time, they won, and Mandy is in bad shape.

Level 9 (200/400): I have no notes on this hand, but some recollection of it. Its placement could be off a level or so. Bad note-taker I am. Randy raises pre-flop, and I say, "I wanted to do that!" I was holding AQs (again). Despite the fact that the mantra droning in my head said, "You have to have a much stronger hand to CALL a raise than to make one yourself," I felt compelled to play my AQs. I called, and we went to the flop. An Ace hit, and I bet out. Randy said something about the ace screwing him (in slightly more colorful language). I think he ended up laying down his pocket Ten's, but his chip stack wasn't too healthy at this point.

Level 9 (200/400): Randy's in the big blind and gets to see a free flop against Jen. Flop paired Randy's 7 with no overcards, and it gets checked down. Figuring his hand was best, he moved all in on the next street, only to discover that Jen had been slowplaying her pocket tens. What's with Jen slowplaying tonight? Hmmm. Tricky girl. Randy couldn't pull the miracle outdraw, and Jen took him out with the Roman. It must suck to get knocked out of a game with the hand named after you.

Level 9 (200/400): Mandy decides to play all-in in the dark from her big blind. She's got T100 over the big blind. Pat calls her, and we throw the board down without turning over Mandy's cards. She hadn't even looked at them. When she flipped her cards up, we all saw that her AJ had hit an Ace onboard, which destroyed Pat's snowmen. Pocket 8's were not helped by the board, and Mandy doubles up.

Level 10 (250/500): I push all-in with pocket 6's when the action is folded around to me. Dusty calls all-in with A5. He manages to pair his fives, but doesn't improve further, and my sixes stand to take him out. Good game, Dog!

My notes got a bit thin right around now, as action picked up and I didn't have much time to write. Somehow, I don't have recorded how or when Randy (husband of Mandy) or Big Paddy went out. It was right around now. Sorry for the oversight!

Level 13 (500/1000): With a flop of AK2, Mandy and Kathie get themselves all in. Both held Big Slick for two pair. Ed, holding QJ, announces that he is going to try to suckout on the girls, and prays for the miracle 10 to complete his straight. Sure enough, the turn brings that miracle ten, and the girls don't improve their two pair. And just like that, we're down to three players. Thanks, Ed, for ushering us into the money with that gutsy call!

I have no other notes, unfortunately, so the remaining recount of the action is from my often-faulty memory. Jen went out in third place (good game, Jen!) and Ed and I played heads-up for a bit. I was quite the underdog with regards to my chip stack, but Ray had turned on Dave Matthews Band, and in came the rush of good mojo. (Nothing against Cypress Hill, but they just weren't bringing me the cards).

I sang along to Jimi Thing and caught some good cards with matching flops. AQ brought me a flopped queen and a win without showdown. Axs brought me an Ace, and again, a win without showdown. I won a few miscellaneous pots like that, and all of a sudden, I'm making a comeback.

A little Seek Up on the radio, and I hit the lucky money hand that was probably my turning point. I get myself all-in with Ax (I think it was A9 - let's go with that) when the flop paired my 9, only to be socked in the gut with Ed's pocket Kings. Two cards to come, and I need an Ace or a nine. Those Kings made Ed a 68% favorite pre-flop and gave me a slim 32% chance of taking the pot. After the flop, I was down to a 20% chance at winning. But there's still hope (and Ed's notion that I am the River Queen, at least against him). The turn doesn't help me, but the river tides brought me an Ace and I doubled up.

Ed cursed his luck, and even alluded to the infamous Hellmuth line about playing perfect poker: "If it weren't for luck, I'd win every hand..." At this point, I'm just playing to win. Second place is a nice purse, so if I go out pushing all-in and losing, so be it, but I'm not going to get Ed's chip stack in front of me without making some moves. So, moves I made. Instances like this remind me of how true it is that even if you play a perfect poker game, in order to win a tournament, you need some luck along the way to win those coin-flips and catch some lucky cards. Even the best player cannot win devoid of luck.

The song #41 came on (my favorite of all DMB songs), and I announced that it was my intention to win this thing while #41 played.

Fitting to my success with Ace Queen all night, the final hand saw me holding AQ suited in black. I was out of position. I wanted to raise pre-flop but just couldn't do it. I have no idea why - I've been on a "No slowplaying allowed" kick (mainly due to the abundance of suckouts you see online when slowplaying good hands). I even yelled at myself in my head - "you dumbass, why aren't you raising this? Weak moves like this are going to cost you $100 [the difference between first and second place]." At any rate, I checked my big blind and we saw a flop. The flop contained three red cards - one of which was a Queen, and one of which was a heart. I've got top pair, top kicker, but there's a diamond flush draw out there. Being first to act, I checked it (more mental berating for me) to see what Ed would do. He bet out 1500 or so (the minimum bet was 1200). I called. Turn came another heart. Jebus. Now there's a double flush draw onboard, all the wrong color for me. I checked, and I think Ed checked here as well. River came the Ace of hearts, giving me top two pair, but hitting a third heart. I couldn't pull the trigger. I checked. Ed sensed my weakness (which was an accurate read - it was inexplicable weakness, since my hand had been strong all the way down the board, but I definitely felt weak) and pushed all in. I said, "I call - do you have the flush?" This was obviously not what Ed had hoped I'd do, as he showed two blanks, and my two pair was good. If I'm not mistaken, I think his hand was 7-5 diamonds, and he was on the diamond flush draw. But, I have no notes on this, so I could be wrong.

Considering how I played that hand, I don't think Ed's move to buy the pot when the third heart hit was a bad move. I don't like to get all of my chips in on draws or bluffs, but I was exuding a sense of the weakest of the weak on that hand, and though I'm sure Ed didn't think his hand was good, I'm sure he thought I'd fold in the face of the flush possibility.

Just before the final instrumental jam of #41 kicked in, I dragged the final pot of the night, as I'd had Ed outchipped on the AQ hand.

The final standings: (I somehow forgot to write Dusty in, so he may be misplaced - sorry!)

1st: Shelly ($200)
2nd: Ed ($100)
3rd: Jen ($50)

4th: Kathie
5th: Mandy
6th: Randy (husband of Mandy)
7th: Big Paddy
8th: Dusty?
9th: Randy
10th: Armando
11th: Dana
12th: Ray
13th: Chris
14th: Val

Good game, everybody - and thanks again to Ray and Val for hosting this edition of the Forest game! Feel free to send any corrections to me. My notes were a bit sketchy this time.